Can't explain

No turning back, no more and will not change...

When I was a child I remember I had this religion book when I was in Grade 2. There were empty pages at the back part of the book so what I did was I wrote something about the our future.

One thing I can remember was that I wrote thir that my brother will marry soon and so my brother and sister. It was a child's imagination before but now I can no longer say it is an imagination. It becomes real now.

As I went home last night from my hometown aftr meeting my sistr's fiance, I began to reflect. Things like the wedding preparations, white dresses, bells, rings and the beach. Things that triggers my excitement.

But for a moment of thinking while laning my face in the window of the bus, I began to notice that my eyes were watery. And it was tears....

I was thinking of the happy thoughts but it my heart was crumpled knowing that we will have different lives after. On that moment, I realized that I'm still bringing the immaturity brought to me being the youngest among the three. My brother who had already debrief me that I will have a new brother, it was funny at first but as days go by it more than being funny, its getting into a reality.

Sooner or later we will be like my aunts and uncle. And I wish we remain close till we grow old.

Too early to think now.

The long and tiring days were over

After one month preparation, finally the celebration is over.

Last friday, we had our culmination of the the founding anniversary. My colleagues and I prepared that day for one month and finally it was over.

A day before that, I was very busy preparing the tables for our visitors and helping decorations in the stage. On the day of the culmination, I was very early around 6:30 in the morning to prepare for the other necessary things. And the rain just poured down heavily and we were so worried that all our effort will be just meaningless.

But around 10:00 in the morning, the rain stopped until the activity was done.

Wheew! At last..

We are done and its time to rest and enjoy.

No more sleepless nights.

At friday night we had our gathering together with my colleagues until dawn.

Wheew!!!!

It was fun! Something to cherish with.

Baptism of Fire

I was in the adjustment period until now or should I call it Baptism of Fire. It will really test me how long will I surpass this challenge. But sometime I feel tired and exhausted but still something is pushing me to go on. The worst feeling is when sometimes you are emotionally drain and you cannot think of anything but giving up. I feel tired in a way that I want to discontinue the things that I've started but I told myself "no."

But lately I realized that something is wrong with that idea. Maybe I should look in a different way. The situation is already here and its a bit difficult so why it should be more difficult. Maybe there are ways of making it easy and useful for me.

I really call it Baptism of Fire... Like what the others said when you are starting it will always be your Baptism of Fire.

It was really a challenge to be in this kind of field. Learning all the things that I need to do and adjusting all the people that I'll be encountering in my daily activities makes it a little difficult. But for a moment of thinking I realized that I should make things easy for me by taking advantage of what learning opportunities I can learn and can be useful for the future. Things that I have not seen clearly that these things that making it difficult are just learning opportunities on how I will learn. But eventually, maybe, I'll learn everything.

I guess every new beginning is a Baptism of Fire no matter what, when and where it is. It seems everybody goes the same way in adjustment period when they are starting and it somehow challenge our faith and abilities on ourselves.

He is in 3rd Year...

Finally, he is in third year college. One year to go and he will be graduating.



I'm really happy that he managed to reached third year. All the determination to finish college was really the important part that contributed Arnel to reached this part. I admire his determination for someone who came from far away place.





Wheew! Just hold Nel, everything will be alright

I can still remember him sharing me about his "first times" when we were together in Cagayan. Time move so fast.

For now all I wish for him is to be able to graduate and be able to help his family already.

Good luck Nel... You can do it this time again!

Always remember to return your blessings to others who are also in need of help not necessary who help you.

It is always in my desire to help children or students to finish their education especially those who are less fortunates but eager to finish their studies.



Last week I met our suppose to be second scholar. She will be in 1st year college this coming June. She came from a far-away barangay of Bukidnon, in Miarayon, Talakag Bukidnon. I met her during one of our visit in barangay of Bukidnon. Their place was nice and cold that the temperature would reach 19 degree celsius and below.



But the sad part was that there were children who were unable to finish their elementary years or even highschool years because the schools were limited. They havetowalk two hours usually to reach their school. But there were studentswho were eager and wanted to finish school.



I met a very shy girl but has a strong determination to graduate and want to prove that something will change. Among the three of them, she was the only one who graduated in highschool. So after we visited the place, we were thinking of helping her.



The best way to help her is through her education, to help her graduate in college. So she travelled all the way from Miarayon going to our place. When she arrived I oriented her about our little town. Then she took the entrance examination and able to pass. Evertything was ready for her. But I don't know what happened that she changed her mind on the last minute. One week prior to the enrollment, she told us that she will not be enrolling. Her reason was that she missed her family and she wants to go back to Malaybalay.

I talked to her and told her that its normal to feel that way because it was her first time to be away but along the way she will get used to it. But she was decided already to go home. I emphasized her that finishing college can be one of her greatest achivement and also she can help already her family.

But she decided aready to go home and we respect her decision. I hope she can really finish college like what she really wanted. The door is still open for her, all we want is to help these kids.

New Field of Learning

It was my first day of service. I was really anxious because the fact that I have little experience with my new field.

But I'm glad that my supervisors were assisting and helping me. I can ask for questions if there were things that I haven't understood. This new field of mine is quite interesting. Its a learning process, more learning on the actual rather than hearing all the theories of these inside the four corners of my college years.

I'm hoping that I will be able to do my duties and obligatgions in a right way. That I can be a help to this institution and be able to understand really what I really wanted for my future. I know that this is only the first day. There are more things to come and I should better be prepared.

I am really praying that the Lord will guide me. Working with this field is different from my previous work experiences but I think this is a good stepping stone. Everybody has a first time of learning and experiencing. I'll be learning lot of things as I go along the way. May God, bless me.

For tonight, I will rest and learn new things again tomorrow.

Good night!

Moving On....?

Moving on is really hard when you are still in the situation and when you always think that you want to move on. But when you leave it and wait for the time when it becomes a memory, then I think before you knew it you’re smiling to the worst feeling you felt at that moment.

A friend of mine was almost two weeks in her crying moment. I feel bad for her because I know no words can take away her pain. Heartaches from a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship are normal and what she feels I think is normal. I’ve been through with that and maybe all the other human being who fell in love also.

It is like your heart is being crumpled deep inside and everytime you are alone all you can think was being with that person and then you just realized you start crying again. I think everybody felt this one. And I think my friend feel the same way too.

I do not know how to comfort her and let her understand that everything will just pass through. She is still in the stage of confusion and I think accepting also that it is the reality. All I can do is listen to her. Even though how much I gave her example how I move on, it doesn’t make sense at all. She believes in happy ending, that they will be together in the end. But there could be another ending and not all are like fairy tales.

While comforting her, I tried to reminisce what I actually did when I was in her situation. I could not even remember that I cried because I and my boyfriend broke up. All that I can remember was that the night before we broke up, we were texting and conversing to the point that I think we were arguing. Then I slept without saying goodnight and the next day I woke up like nothing happened but I knew we were over. Hahaha… very silly isn’t it? Yes, it is silly coz’ I ended up my almost 6-years relationship. I ended up by sleeping and not by saying “goodbye, we are over.”

Now, that I have a friend who shares the same feeling of what I have felt before and she’s asking me how I moved on. I told her, “I don’t know. All I can remember was that I felt like I was standing in the floor of pain for months/year and just like ordinary day, I felt normal. No more crumpled heart that makes my heart aching.”

I could never remember I cried for that break-up. All I can remember was that I was always spending my painful months going mountain climbing, trekking and anything outdoor activities. Good thing I did that. I met a lot of people and I find peace in my heart seeing the green horizon and the wide sky that calms my heart and mind.

Life itself is a moving on process like how I see the wide sky above; clouds are changing time to time. For me it signifies how time moves and how should life be enjoyed whether it is painful or happiness.

I never think that I should move on instead I enjoy the feeling of being in that painful part and I just knew it that for awhile that I’ve been enjoying that pain, I was no longer feeling painful instead I become happy.